ClipSelect v3
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[mysterious music plays]

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[chuckles] Nice.

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[melancholy music plays]

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[groans] Why won't Ron text me back?

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Reagan, like I said to Bush after 9/11, you gotta wait this thing out.

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Diggity dope morning, bro-workers.

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Question, if you guys had one wish, what would it be?

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More Simpsons porn.

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That's right. I'm the one person who likes that.

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You're wondering who's that for? It's me! Guys like me.

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Disturbing. And no!

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Bruh, I'm not really in the mood for a big team hang right now.

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I may have just lost the love of my life

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-Yikes! -Coffee break!

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I never thought I'd go from Harvard to serving coffee,

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but what the fuck is that!?

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Just an action-packed adventure.

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Fun for ages six to six and a half.

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Oh no, this is bad. This is very bad!

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The movie? Yeah, but it's like good bad.

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No, you idiot. There's no such movie as Shazaam.

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It was called Kazaam with a "Kuh,"

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and it starred Shaq, the Sinbad of basketball.

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-That can't be right. -I remember a movie Shazaam.

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I know I saw it.

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You think you remember it

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because the fabric of space-time has been tampered with!

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We've entered a parallel timeline.

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Quick! Tattoo everything you know about yourselves on your bodies!

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-[Myc] Oh my God. -Shit!

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-That's kind of working for you though. -Here's proof of the prime timeline.

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This means one thing.

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Rand's unearthed Project Reboot.

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The universe is at risk unless we stop him!

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-[yelling] -What's happening?

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Tattoo guns?

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Oh God, this is an emergency!

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[all] Reagan!

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[upbeat music plays]

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J.R., the only way my dad manipulates reality

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is with vodka and Korean boner pills.

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You're misremembering the name of the movie.

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No one has seen Rand for days.

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He could be passed out in his office, or it could be much worse.

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-[all gasp] -[Gigi] Oh, Lord!

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He's gone AWOL in the damn head.

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Okay, this is more Howard Hughes than I would have thought.

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What's Project Reboot, and where the hell is my dad?

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[sighs] I feared this day would come.

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It all began years ago.

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Also, do you want like a T-shirt or like a… like a large towel?

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It all began years ago in college at Harvard. Tap, tap.

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[groaning]

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We get it. You went to Harvard.

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and your dad arrived with an attitude problem.

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You really need two tuxedos?

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It's called class.

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and I hated him because he was an abrasive asshole.

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Oh! [growls]

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I told you, this beer is for the Harvard Lampoon!

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They control comedy for some reason.

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[Rand] So buy more with Daddy's credit card.

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I'm trying to build a perv bot to spy on that sorority.

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[J.R.] I'm intrigued, but isn't that a little creepy?

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Oh yeah, majorly.

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But in the late '70s, this is considered lightheartedly comedic.

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-[knocking on door] -[man] I heard the word beer in there.

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That makes me think there's beer in there!

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Shit, the RA. Stall him.

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[tense music plays]

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Doug, wow, you're looking fit these days. You've been pumping iron?

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Hm.

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[J.R.] Although we hated each other, we realized when two people

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with enormous egos and really weird-shaped dicks join forces,

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anything is possible.

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We decided to go into business together.

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[jaunty scat music playing]

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[Doug yells]

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[Doug groans]

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[jaunty music continues]

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I'm calling this a success. It buried itself.

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[J.R.] Finally, we came up with something that would put us on the map forever.

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You've actually done it. A time machine! Want to explain how it works?

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Nope.

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Good enough for me. Let's fire this bad boy up!

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Throw on this tinfoil hat to be safe.

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Seriously, tinfoil?

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The chrono-resistant properties of aluminum

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allow it to preserve the freshness of casseroles and space-time.

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But sure, keep it off if you want to risk permanent timeline alterations.

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Huh.

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All right. Here we go. Three, two, one.

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[machine whirs]

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[dramatic music plays]

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[electricity crackles]

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[Rand groans]

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Did we travel back in time?

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[gasps] Ah, shit! Your face is naked.

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Your horrible mustache is gone!

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-What the hell? -[gasps] And there's only one moon.

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[Reagan] Wait, what the fuck? One moon?

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Oh yeah, minor thing. There used to be two moons.

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Surfing was way more fun in the old timeline. [chuckles]

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Menstrual cycles were hell though.

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Don't you see what this means?

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Project Reboot worked!

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Not as a time machine, but it worked!

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The machine created random changes to the present

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by altering small events in the past.

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Now we're in timeline "B" where I have no mustache,

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there's only one moon,

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Look, Christian bears aside, is this gonna make us any money?

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You're worried about money?

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This machine alters reality itself.

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If we could perfect it, we could become gods,

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and no one could stop--

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[both yell]

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[ominous choral music plays]

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-Agh! No, I'm too rich to die! -If you're gonna kill us, do it quick.

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I want to spend as little of my life in this building as possible.

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[Robe 1] Your machine is tampering

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with unholy godlike forces not meant for man.

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That's our job.

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Who the hell are you Dorito-headed dipshits?

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[Robe 1] We are the power behind all things.

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The true rulers of the world,

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but our ancient ways have gotten…

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[man groans]

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[Robe 1] …a bit out of date.

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We need help modernizing.

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Wait, you want to give us a job?

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[Robe 1] Your innovation and daring have impressed us.

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We ask only that you dismantle Project Reboot.

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In exchange, we will hire you to create a shadow company

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using your technological wizardry.

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We will grant you the power to control the world on our behalf.

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[suspenseful music plays]

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Ah, my old evidence-burying shovel.

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Tonight, we dance again.

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Rand, we don't know who these guys are or the true extent of their powers.

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We should not go behind their backs and fuck with them.

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That's why we need this machine as an insurance policy.

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Trust me. You'll thank me one day.

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[tense music plays]

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An inspirational story.

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Until now.

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Rand must have started up the machine and reality itself is in danger.

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Very Christopher Nolan,

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in that I don't understand it

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and it gets worse the more questions you ask.

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Jesus, there is nothing my dad can't ruin. This is what you guys wanted, right?

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Vodka water coolers and cosmic annihilation.

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I told you guys he'd be the end of us all.

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But Rand is finally in charge of the company.

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Why would he choose now to go postal-er?

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The Robes.

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He must be in danger of losing his job and he's trying to get it back.

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What are you doing?

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Scanning our brains to preserve our current memories.

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I have a feeling things are about to get pretty convoluted.

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We got to find Project Reboot and stop Rand from destroying reality.

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Hey, Alpha-Beta. I got a job for you.

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Really? Am I part of the group now?

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We're gonna need a better way to track timeline changes

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than giving each other face tattoos.

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-[electricity crackles] -[all yell]

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[all gasp]

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[Myc] What the shit happened to Andre?

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Rand must have used the machine again.

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We're now in Timeline 1D, where Andre may or may not exist,

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footballs are cube-shaped,

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and Brett's movie starred a whale, apparently.

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[gasps]

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J.R., fire up the van.

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[tires screech]

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Oh, sorry. I haven't driven myself since the Carter Administration.

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-Uh, are you gonna put on a shirt? -Yeah.

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-It's very distracting. -[Myc] Put it away!

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[laughs] No.

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[Myc] Shotgun!

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Also, we're listening to my podcast on the way.

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Okay, no response yet,

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but at least in this version of the apocalypse we're still dating.

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[Myc] Today, we have on friend of the pod, Elon Musk,

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who I kidnapped and tied to a chair.

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Say hi, Elon.

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-[muffled screaming] -[Myc chuckles]

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[Myc] God, our banter's electric.

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Okay, according to J.R.'s body, that I'm still having confusing feelings about,

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this is where the machine is hidden with your dad.

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What are you doing?

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Turning you into a reality scanner.

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This is insulting, Reagan. I look like a Teletubby!

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[chuckles] No, you don't.

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Now we can use the power of your tummy screen…

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Don't call it that.

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…and find out what happened to Andre.

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Look away. This might be gruesome.

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Ah, I've freshly dropped out of college and stolen this robe.

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Hello there, whippersnapper.

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Would you be interested in joining a covert shadow organization?

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Well, sure, I…

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Whoa, a dollar! I'm gonna buy a lotto ticket.

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Lemon, lemon. Y-Y-Yes! Fuck, yes! I'm a millionaire. [laughs]

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Okay, so good. He won the lottery.

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Now he's America's favorite TV doctor!

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[laughs] In my medical opinion, this guy's a freak!

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Let's party, bro!

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Uh, I thought I was gonna get medical advice.

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[laughs] My life could not be any better right now!

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I would change nothing. [laughs]

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Wow, universe 1D is treating Andre right.

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The team will be relieved.

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Wait, maybe we should keep this to ourselves.

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These guys tend to get easily distracted.

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If they knew Andre was okay,

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they might flake out on the mission and start pursuing their own side plots.

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They wouldn't when the fate of the world is at… Huh.

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The fate of the world is at stake!

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-I have a thing. -[Myc] We're out of time.

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-Rain check. -So dramatic.

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You want me to do what about what?

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-[Myc] Overreaction alert. -Can you hold on?

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[Brett giggles]

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-[grunts] -[groans]

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What's going on?

0:12:09.38 - 0:12:13.08

How bad is it on a scale from Inception to Interstellar to…

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[shudders] …Tenet?

0:12:14.71 - 0:12:15.83

Well, actually, he's…

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Oh my God. No!

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Andre is dickless!

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[all] What?

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Yeah, in this reality he got his dick stuck in a pretzel maker.

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Just wetzeled the thing into a… a knot.

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And he became a Scientologist.

0:12:31.79 - 0:12:33.13

That's disgusting!

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The thing about his dick too.

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[Myc] Are you sure? Let me see that thing.

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Guys, we have to focus on the mission.

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For Andre's dick.

0:12:41.29 - 0:12:42.46

For Andre's dick.

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-[electricity crackles] -Anomaly incoming! Brace yourselves!

0:12:45.17 - 0:12:47.17

[suspenseful music plays]

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[chokes]

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Oh God, President Reagan is dead!

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Well, I guess if no one's gonna tell me to tear this thing down,

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uh, let's… extend it?

0:13:07.88 - 0:13:09.63

[cheering]

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[all yell]

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[J.R.] What the hell was that?

0:13:26.96 - 0:13:29.92

In this timeline, Russia won the Cold War.

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Also, Paul Giamatti is a sex symbol for some reason.

0:13:33.17 - 0:13:34.25

This is an outrage!

0:13:34.33 - 0:13:37.79

Those Russkies will never take me alive. Suicide pact! Who's in?

0:13:37.88 - 0:13:39.63

It's not worth it! No!

0:13:39.71 - 0:13:41.83

So, we're owned by Russia now.

0:13:41.92 - 0:13:44.13

How dystopian could these timeline glitches get?

0:13:44.63 - 0:13:45.75

[electricity crackles]

0:13:47.33 - 0:13:48.50

[all scream]

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[dinosaur roars]

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Also, dinosaurs never went extinct.

0:13:52.75 - 0:13:54.13

Goddamn it, Rand!

0:13:55.17 - 0:13:59.38

"Shamuzaamskisaurus: Dinosaur Stalin Whale Genie."

0:13:59.46 - 0:14:05.63

Ridiculous! The gang's favorite movie is Shazaam starring Sinbad.

0:14:05.71 - 0:14:08.13

"Kuh, kuh!" Kazaam, fuck!

0:14:08.21 - 0:14:10.21

There, there, you're safe now.

0:14:10.29 - 0:14:13.21

[Myc] I'm starting to hit my limit on wacky, sci-fi bullshit.

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This mission better be worth it.

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Fellas, I'm sensing a classic Reagan screw job.

0:14:21.83 - 0:14:26.04

I just saw Andre's face on a billboard and his dick looked fine.

0:14:26.13 - 0:14:30.08

What?! If anybody's gonna be famous in this timeline, it better be me.

0:14:30.17 - 0:14:31.50

[tense music plays]

0:14:37.04 - 0:14:39.58

[all scream]

0:14:40.46 - 0:14:42.96

Oh, damn it! I knew we should have taken the UFO.

0:14:43.04 - 0:14:44.29

We have a UFO?

0:14:44.38 - 0:14:47.75

Yeah, but it's always crashing. Cheap-ass Roswell labor.

0:14:47.83 - 0:14:50.67

Brett, when this is all over, you can fly the UFO.

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-Okay? -[Brett gasps]

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I'll fix the flat.

0:14:57.17 - 0:14:58.42

[electricity crackles]

0:15:05.88 - 0:15:06.71

[sighs]

0:15:10.00 - 0:15:14.92

Hold on, Ron. I'll fix this reality. Just… Just don't go anywhere.

0:15:16.25 - 0:15:18.00

[Myc] He's a fucking millionaire?

0:15:18.08 - 0:15:19.83

-Oh, shit. -[Alpha-Beta] No, no, no!

0:15:19.92 - 0:15:21.42

I didn't want to show them, Reagan.

0:15:21.50 - 0:15:23.50

Glenn keeps fiddling with my tummy antenna.

0:15:23.58 - 0:15:26.29

You weren't gonna tell us that Andre is a millionaire?

0:15:26.38 - 0:15:29.67

[Myc] And he got a horse penis transplant and his dick is better than ever?

0:15:29.75 - 0:15:32.67

Maybe Rand's changes are actually good for the world.

0:15:32.75 - 0:15:35.54

I want to know what Universe 1G has in store for Gigi!

0:15:35.63 - 0:15:39.13

Guys, guys, let's all calm down. It's what Shazaam would want.

0:15:39.21 - 0:15:42.29

I lied because I knew you would get distracted by your own interests

0:15:42.38 - 0:15:43.96

and bail on me again.

0:15:44.04 - 0:15:46.33

You think I forgot what happened when my dad took over?

0:15:47.79 - 0:15:48.96

What's going on?

0:15:49.04 - 0:15:51.21

[Myc] I want to see my alternate timeline.

0:15:51.29 - 0:15:53.38

Come here, you glorified Etch A Sketch!

0:15:55.33 - 0:15:58.42

[female mushroom] Myc, I never thought it would happen, but you did it.

0:15:58.50 - 0:15:59.46

You're pregnant!

0:15:59.54 - 0:16:01.17

[cheering]

0:16:01.25 - 0:16:04.83

[Myc] Sweet shiitake, I have spores! I'm gonna be a mother!

0:16:04.92 - 0:16:06.00

Give me that!

0:16:12.04 - 0:16:13.29

Glenn Dolphman!

0:16:13.79 - 0:16:15.46

Gimme some sugar, Dolores.

0:16:16.54 - 0:16:20.25

You mean there's a timeline where I didn't get the dolphin surgery

0:16:20.33 - 0:16:21.83

and Dolores never left me?

0:16:21.92 - 0:16:24.04

Goddamn, I miss my fingers!

0:16:24.13 - 0:16:26.63

You know how hard it is to jack off with fish webs?

0:16:26.71 - 0:16:27.67

[Reagan] Gigi, please!

0:16:28.63 - 0:16:34.21

Just a normal day as queen of the fucking Illuminati!

0:16:34.29 - 0:16:37.25

Lin-Manuel, start rapping about how much you suck.

0:16:37.33 - 0:16:38.96

Yes, Queen.

0:16:46.92 - 0:16:49.63

[Myc] My God, in this timeline, none of us work for Cognito

0:16:49.71 - 0:16:52.29

and every one of us lived our goddamn dream lives.

0:16:52.38 - 0:16:53.79

[Reagan] Don't you understand?

0:16:53.88 - 0:16:57.75

Those are just temporary false realities. We have to get back to the real one!

0:16:57.83 - 0:16:58.67

[Myc] I get it.

0:16:58.75 - 0:17:00.67

You want to keep the timeline from changing

0:17:00.75 - 0:17:03.71

because you finally found a boyfriend.

0:17:03.79 - 0:17:05.08

What? No!

0:17:05.17 - 0:17:07.58

Well, maybe some of us are sick of our realities

0:17:07.67 - 0:17:08.96

and we'd like better ones.

0:17:09.04 - 0:17:12.92

[Myc] All I know is, I'm ready for the joys of motherhood! Myc out!

0:17:13.75 - 0:17:17.17

I hereby honorably discharge myself.

0:17:19.00 - 0:17:20.08

Wait, Gigi--

0:17:20.17 - 0:17:23.17

Look, this is something I've wanted my whole life, Reagan.

0:17:23.25 - 0:17:25.08

I… I have to take this chance.

0:17:25.58 - 0:17:28.42

Gigi's Louboutin has a home in Lin-Manuel's ass.

0:17:32.13 - 0:17:33.71

Now wait a goddamn second.

0:17:33.79 - 0:17:37.58

You're telling me everyone on the team got positive timelines except us?

0:17:37.67 - 0:17:40.25

What in the reverse white privilege shit is that?

0:17:40.33 - 0:17:42.67

J.R., in front of you! Look out!

0:17:42.75 - 0:17:44.38

[all yell]

0:17:44.46 - 0:17:46.25

[dramatic music plays]

0:17:47.96 - 0:17:49.67

[all cough]

0:17:52.13 - 0:17:54.08

[electricity crackles]

0:17:55.38 - 0:17:58.71

Reagan, I'll tend to J.R. You complete the mission.

0:17:58.79 - 0:18:01.50

Thanks, AB. You've been a real team player today.

0:18:01.58 - 0:18:04.04

It was nice to finally have a team.

0:18:06.04 - 0:18:09.33

Wait, you had those the whole time? I'm literally missing an arm.

0:18:09.42 - 0:18:11.50

Again, such a good job today.

0:18:11.58 - 0:18:12.79

[dramatic music plays]

0:18:12.88 - 0:18:16.42

[Reagan] Leave it to my dad to destroy reality

0:18:16.50 - 0:18:18.92

just to keep his fucking job!

0:18:19.00 - 0:18:19.92

[Reagan grunts]

0:18:21.96 - 0:18:22.79

[Reagan gasps]

0:18:26.42 - 0:18:27.25

[Reagan yells]

0:18:28.04 - 0:18:31.13

This is crazy. It's like we're walking through some kind of blizzard.

0:18:31.21 - 0:18:32.71

[gasps] A reality blizzard.

0:18:32.79 - 0:18:36.00

Note to self, pitch show called Reality Blizzard to Amazon.

0:18:36.08 - 0:18:38.88

Nolan can co-EP, but not show run. He'll be too controlling.

0:18:38.96 - 0:18:42.54

Brett, focus. Now is not the time to coin new sci-fi shit.

0:18:42.63 - 0:18:45.75

The time anomalies are reaching maximum impossibility limit factor.

0:18:45.83 - 0:18:46.67

You have to hurry!

0:18:46.75 - 0:18:48.75

[dramatic music plays]

0:18:51.63 - 0:18:54.42

The final showdown, us versus your dad.

0:18:54.50 - 0:18:56.83

You think he's got it booby-trapped? What's wrong?

0:18:56.92 - 0:18:58.92

[melancholy music plays]

0:19:01.67 - 0:19:03.92

[Reagan] Thanks for sticking by me when no one else did.

0:19:05.50 - 0:19:07.58

A good leader wouldn't drag their best friend

0:19:07.67 - 0:19:09.25

into their dad's bullshit.

0:19:09.33 - 0:19:11.96

I don't know if we'll ever get back to our realities,

0:19:12.04 - 0:19:14.63

but I've seen yours and it looks good.

0:19:14.71 - 0:19:16.38

If I succeed, I'll see you again.

0:19:16.46 - 0:19:18.96

But if not, good luck, Brett.

0:19:20.38 - 0:19:21.21

But…

0:19:27.42 - 0:19:28.83

[dramatic music plays]

0:19:29.79 - 0:19:33.00

All right, asshole! You've messed with my life long enough!

0:19:35.21 - 0:19:36.33

[dramatic music fades]

0:19:37.96 - 0:19:40.00

[melancholy music plays]

0:19:40.08 - 0:19:41.83

[Rand] No, that's not it.

0:19:42.88 - 0:19:43.83

I want to just…

0:19:48.29 - 0:19:49.13

What?

0:19:49.79 - 0:19:50.63

[sighs]

0:19:53.21 - 0:19:57.25

Dad, are all these bottles half full of whiskey or… pee?

0:19:57.33 - 0:19:59.46

Oh, I lost track days ago.

0:19:59.54 - 0:20:04.04

I thought that you were trying to get revenge on the Robes for firing you.

0:20:04.54 - 0:20:05.88

Why are you doing this?

0:20:06.63 - 0:20:08.29

That's how many times.

0:20:08.38 - 0:20:11.08

That's how many times I tried to get you both back.

0:20:11.17 - 0:20:14.13

You and your mother. Into the same timeline.

0:20:14.21 - 0:20:15.75

But it never works, Reagan.

0:20:15.83 - 0:20:19.46

No matter how many times I try, you both hate me.

0:20:20.17 - 0:20:22.63

You did all this just to get us back?

0:20:22.71 - 0:20:23.92

I had everything.

0:20:24.58 - 0:20:27.46

I had my job, I had power.

0:20:27.54 - 0:20:29.96

I know it's a fucking cliché, but it's true.

0:20:30.04 - 0:20:32.75

You don't know what matters most until you lose it.

0:20:33.92 - 0:20:37.25

Please, help me fix it. Help me get her here.

0:20:37.33 - 0:20:39.46

Dad, this was never gonna work.

0:20:39.54 - 0:20:41.63

You can't just hit a button over and over

0:20:41.71 - 0:20:44.88

and expect a relationship to go back to the way it was.

0:20:47.88 - 0:20:50.71

And I know that it is scary to give up control.

0:20:50.79 - 0:20:52.71

You don't have to do it alone.

0:20:52.79 - 0:20:54.75

Let's shut this thing down together.

0:20:54.83 - 0:20:56.33

[Rand sighs]

0:20:56.42 - 0:20:58.67

Guess our shit timeline's better than nothing.

0:20:59.42 - 0:21:00.71

Let's pack it in, kiddo.

0:21:01.21 - 0:21:02.46

[gentle music plays]

0:21:06.42 - 0:21:07.38

-Agh! -[Rand gasps]

0:21:07.46 - 0:21:10.50

-Reagan! -[Reagan groans]

0:21:10.58 - 0:21:13.17

So there you are, partner.

0:21:13.83 - 0:21:16.50

Look at you. You're enjoying this, aren't you?

0:21:16.58 - 0:21:19.33

What? How do I look like I'm enjoying anything?

0:21:19.42 - 0:21:20.92

You see these pee jars?

0:21:21.00 - 0:21:23.50

All year, you've put me through hell,

0:21:23.58 - 0:21:27.79

and then you went and gave everyone else on the team their dream timeline

0:21:27.88 - 0:21:30.96

after I propped your drunk ass up your whole career?

0:21:31.04 - 0:21:31.88

Oh, please.

0:21:31.96 - 0:21:35.71

Without me, you'd be another rich brat working in the non-shadow government.

0:21:35.79 - 0:21:39.71

I've been taking your advice my whole life and look what I have to show for it.

0:21:39.79 - 0:21:43.29

I'm gonna get what's coming to me. The money, the house, the car!

0:21:43.38 - 0:21:46.58

And I'm finally gonna get my humorous essays published

0:21:46.67 - 0:21:48.54

in the goddamn Harvard Lampoon!

0:21:48.63 - 0:21:51.50

J.R.! The machine, it's totally unpredictable.

0:21:51.58 - 0:21:53.83

Press that button, you could end up in hell.

0:21:53.92 - 0:21:56.29

I'm willing to take that chance.

0:21:56.38 - 0:21:58.25

[dramatic music plays]

0:21:58.33 - 0:21:59.17

[both grunt]

0:21:59.25 - 0:22:01.50

J.R., you are going to destroy the universe!

0:22:01.58 - 0:22:03.92

[dramatic music continues]

0:22:10.21 - 0:22:11.58

No!

0:22:11.67 - 0:22:14.50

I was finally gonna get an infinity pool!

0:22:16.08 - 0:22:17.13

Wait, is that…?

0:22:23.96 - 0:22:25.79

Brett! You came back!

0:22:25.88 - 0:22:28.33

But how did you remember this reality?

0:22:28.42 - 0:22:30.17

I made notes on my poster,

0:22:30.25 - 0:22:32.54

and then that helped me remember that we had this!

0:22:32.63 - 0:22:34.58

Oh, a poster.

0:22:34.67 - 0:22:38.17

I tattooed my whole body with liquid tinfoil for nothing.

0:22:38.25 - 0:22:40.63

Plus, we got to take the flying saucer.

0:22:40.71 - 0:22:42.42

Wait, what do you mean "we"?

0:22:42.50 - 0:22:44.50

[uplifting music plays]

0:22:46.42 - 0:22:48.25

Guys, but why?

0:22:48.33 - 0:22:49.88

[Myc] We got to our alternate timelines,

0:22:49.96 - 0:22:52.04

but the more your dad kept pressing that button,

0:22:52.13 - 0:22:53.63

the more they all went to shit.

0:22:53.71 - 0:22:57.13

Turns out I wasn't pregnant. I just had way too much Del Taco.

0:22:57.21 - 0:22:58.33

I've been there.

0:22:58.42 - 0:23:01.79

And I almost bent the knee to the goddamn Russkies.

0:23:02.33 - 0:23:04.75

I serve only you, President Putin.

0:23:05.25 - 0:23:07.96

Wait a second. What the heck am I saying?

0:23:08.04 - 0:23:09.25

Better dead than red!

0:23:13.46 - 0:23:15.96

Thank you, convenient alien spaceship. [grunts]

0:23:16.75 - 0:23:18.75

And I got tired of having a horse penis.

0:23:19.63 - 0:23:22.75

Okay, hear me out, what if I surgically gave you a horse vagina?

0:23:22.83 - 0:23:26.38

Where are you going, my wife Scarlett Johansson?

0:23:27.96 - 0:23:31.96

I had to run the Illuminati's Disney Channel division, Reagan.

0:23:32.04 - 0:23:33.54

Doc McStuffins?

0:23:33.63 - 0:23:36.58

More like Doc McStuffed with satanic messages!

0:23:41.88 - 0:23:44.50

And I was the world's preeminent puppeteer.

0:23:44.58 - 0:23:46.17

But that world is so catty.

0:23:46.88 - 0:23:48.67

Your stitching is…

0:23:48.75 - 0:23:50.50

[sighs] …fine.

0:23:51.17 - 0:23:53.71

You said something nice, but it felt mean.

0:23:54.75 - 0:23:57.42

So we rebooted our memories and now we're here.

0:23:57.50 - 0:23:58.96

Glad to have you back, guys.

0:23:59.04 - 0:23:59.88

Glad to be back. -Me too! -Amen.

0:24:00.88 - 0:24:03.92

[Myc] I'll admit, I'm finally starting to like you guys.

0:24:09.92 - 0:24:12.88

Alpha-Beta's memory drive should let us restore the timeline

0:24:19.29 - 0:24:20.42

Okay. Now.

0:24:23.42 - 0:24:25.00

-Yes! -[Myc laughs]

0:24:25.08 - 0:24:28.71

Wait, to when you reprogrammed him? So that means…

0:24:28.79 - 0:24:29.63

SHAZAAM - SINBAD

0:24:29.71 - 0:24:32.96

Great. Well, now my back tattoo makes no sense.

0:24:34.58 - 0:24:36.29

Hey! Where are you taking us?

0:24:36.38 - 0:24:38.38

And what does this mean for my internship?

0:24:38.46 - 0:24:41.04

You're both going in front of the Robes for sentencing.

0:24:41.13 - 0:24:44.21

I better not wind up sharing a cell with that asshole again.

0:24:44.29 - 0:24:45.71

College was enough.

0:24:45.79 - 0:24:51.25

Dad, maybe going to Shadow Prison X is the best way to protect you from yourself.

0:24:52.00 - 0:24:54.38

I spent my whole life thinking you were a hero or a villain,

0:24:54.46 - 0:24:57.08

but you're not. You're just… my dad.

0:24:57.17 - 0:24:58.17

A screw-up.

0:24:58.71 - 0:25:01.17

Well, I think interventions are bullshit.

0:25:01.25 - 0:25:04.71

But in this case, you might be right.

0:25:04.79 - 0:25:05.83

I might be what now?

0:25:05.92 - 0:25:08.17

You're right, okay?

0:25:08.25 - 0:25:10.54

I'm sorry for everything, kiddo.

0:25:10.63 - 0:25:14.29

When you run Cognito, just do things better than I did.

0:25:15.54 - 0:25:16.92

[gentle music plays]

0:25:27.46 - 0:25:29.96

[gentle music fades]